Being a grown-up

I remember way back, when I got married the first time (yes, it really was in 1989 - scary, I know) thinking about what makes the transition from being a child to being a grown up. One of the things I couldn't do then was just get in a car without planning exactly where I was going. Every turn stressed me out. (I'd gotten a license right before I turned 18, but was living in Israel alone, so I didn't have a chance to drive until after I got married and we bought an automatic car.) So that was one thing... I don't remember the others - perhaps being able to buy toilet paper without feeling embarrassed... or being able to go for a medical procedure alone. I think it was an issue for me because I was always really independent. I boarded in Atlanta, 2-1/2 hours away from home, from the time I was 12. That meant getting on a Greyhound bus, ending up downtown alone, getting on a bus to school, etc. (And downtown Atlanta was pretty scary for a really shrimpy 12-year-old.) Then, when I was 16, I came to Israel in early June - for a vacation - and stayed nearly 25 years (so far). That was back in the days before cell phones. When you'd make a call from a pay phone just because it was available. And when international calls were $4 a minute AND you had to go to the international calling center behind the main post office (where you sat in a weird little booth and heard your money beep away faster than you thought possible). So, was that being grown up? Being married certainly isn't what does it... (I am not sure my ex will EVER qualify as a grown-up in my book...) So, at the young age of 40, aside from when certain-people-who-will-remain-nameless-but-don't-read-this-blog-or-know-of-its-existence-anyway start trying to tell me how to run my life, I definitely feel like a grown-up (though I've also done a good job of keeping in touch with my inner child - see my jewelry collection as proof :-)) and, as I mentioned in the previous post, my brother Ben and I developed sleeQo - a meme tool that allows you to come in, fill-in the meme of your choice & post it on your blog or on Facebook (or send it by email... whatever you want) - and I'm currently responsible for putting in the initial memes (so people will have what to fill-in when they come visit our site or when we send out the subscription newsletters).

Here are my answers to the "grown up" meme (pronounced meem):

You're a grown up when...

Rules: List 5 things that make you qualify as an adult... Tag 5 *adults* to do the same :-)

1. You can drive and park a car - and even find it once you're ready to go...
2. You can sit at a table in a restaurant alone and not feel awkward.
3. You feel like you know what you should do in most situations - and know who to ask when you're not sure.
4. You know that things that seem like "the end of the world" usually aren't.
5. You care whether your clothes are wrinkled or not - enough to iron them or choose something else to wear.

Everyone tagged Click here to fill in this meme


p.s. to paste your completed meme into Facebook, go into your Notes, press "Write a new note" and then paste in the HTML - we've made it Facebook friendly.

New tool for bloggers

Negative

Rules: Answer as honestly as you can. Tag 3 people.

• A smell I hate

  Lentils cooking.

• Least favorite day of the week...and why

  Thursday, because it means it's almost Friday (but then when Friday comes, I remember all of its disadvantages...)

• TV shows I'll never watch

  Almost all reality shows. Most sports. Political talk shows... I don't really like TV that much.

• Food I refuse to eat

  Pineapple (although I will taste fresh pineapple once every few years, only if it's very cold)

• Bug I can't stand

  Cockroach

• Computer software I use (but hate)

  Rivhit (Israeli accounting software)- terrible UI

• Chore I really dislike

  I don't mind chores too much in general, but I don't enjoy changing the sheets on top bunk.

I tag: Rona, Leah, Vicki, Anita

fill in this meme

Funniest experiences meme

Funniest experiences

Rules: Fill in the following. Tag 4 friends to do the same.

• My funniest dream

  I once dreamt I gave someone a wedding present that was a tablecloth & they found a spoon inside it. They later called to ask if the spoon had been used for dairy or meat (because they were keeping it).

• My funniest experience with a pet

  Can't think of one at the moment.

• My funniest experience at a job interview

  Finding out that the interviewer knows one or more of my siblings.

• My funniest purchase

  Some of the useless jewelry I buy on eBay?

• My funniest experience in high school

  High school was NOT funny. Although perhaps the strangest was taking apart my test in history and handing the pages out to the class because I felt so bad for them that they were so stupid they'd never pass without my help. (12th, grade at Eisenhower High in Lawton Oklahoma)

• My funniest cooking experience

  Gosh. I need to start remembering the funny stuff.

• The funniest thing I ever said to anyone

  This one's easy. One day I was in a store and someone looked at Lilach and said she looked Japanese. She then proceeded to ask me if her father is Japanese - and I, being distracted, answered "I don't know"... (Um. No. He's not.)

Here's who I've tagged.
Rona, Leah, Bethami, Anyone who wants to :-)
fill in this meme

What I've been up to

One of the things I've been doing is working with my amazingly talented brother, Ben, on a new meme site named sleeQo. It's a tool to help bloggers who get stuck without things to write about. It can give you a daily or weekly push in the right direction. You get to be the very first to see it (currently in what can only be called pre-beta...) Actually, this is the first test post :-)

My travels

Fill in the following questions & tag 5 friends (try friends who travel a lot).

• My best trip ever...
  Normandy and Brittany with Ohad in September 2002. Totally amazing :-)


• My worst trip ever...
  They all had their high points. Hard to think of one as bad.


• Most important thing I ever lost on a trip...
  Nothing I can think of.


• Most important thing I ever forgot to take on a trip...
  Conditioner?


• Thing I miss most when I'm away...
  Ohad (unless he's with me). If Ohad's with me then cooked food...


• Thing I miss least when I'm away...
  Screaming and tripping on toys.


• Favorite travel partner...
  Ohad. Definitely.


• Place I hope to travel to someday...
  Portugal, China, and maybe some tropical islands.

Here's who I've tagged.

Rona

Leah

Sam

Fill in this meme

Your comments are welcome!

I'd like to thank...

My loyal readers who come back day-after-day to check why I haven't written anything new. It's probably because I'm either insanely busy, severely disorganized or a combination of the two. I kind of wonder if it's what people describe as ADD. Sometimes I feel like there's a seven-ring circus going on in my head (three rings I could handle, I mean, I do have 6 kids...) and everything's so interesting and so colorful and appealing that I don't know what to do first... On a good day, the solution is to shut everything down and work on the things I have to work on (you know, the stuff that brings in the soy schnitzel). On a not-so-good day, I start doing seven different things and sometimes, miraculously, I am able to stay focused on one thing long enough to realize I've worked on it. I have learned not to rely on my memory too much (to do things) because I forget just about everything that isn't very important... So we've got a calendar on the fridge and I write down everything that's going on and I do remember to look there (at least usually).


Anyway, I've got a whole bunch of ideas that I'm trying to develop - one's a spin-off site of fertilitystories. I bought a new domain, but now I want to build a content management system so that at least one of my websites will actually be built properly. But since I don't like risk, I haven't taken someone else to build it for me - and I don't have the time to build it myself... I've also continued to work on internationalshippingshops (do I have a thing about long mushed-up names? For this one, I bought the domain OverseasJoe, which for some odd reason I think is hilarious...) and it's actually starting to get some traffic. I'm also an affiliate of Book Depository... oh yeah, and my brother, Ben, and I started building a really cool site about a year ago - only Ben got a real job in the meantime and decided that money was more important than helping his sister (can you imagine? ;-)) so that's a bit stuck too (although I've got an idea up my sleeve to get it jumpstarted again)... And, in the meantime, I decided that I had to design something that kids could make for Chanuka that would let you turn a wheel and have the Chanukiya light up the right number of candles according to the day of Chanuka. You can't see it that well, but when you turn the dial on the bottom then through the holes you can see the 'lit candles' that correspond with the number on the top. Hadas decorated this one :-)

And then we hosted a "Bayit cham" where 4 kids from the preschool come over in the afternoon and you do some sort of activity with them - so we made these (and used my fancy new laminating machine, which made them very impressive, but also impossible to photograph). Amazingly *all*of them came out well. This is the first time I've ever planned something so complicated and it was really exciting to see the results.

When I say complicated, I mean the bottom part looks like this:

After getting good feedback on it from pretty much everyone, I am going to look into selling the design - anyone want to test it for me? I can send you a pdf...

I'm also taking my next-to-last course at the Open University - Survey Methodology - it's a great course, but requires a lot of time (doesn't everything?) - and I think I've decided not to sign up for next semester. With Hadas being in 11th grade, I still have a chance to finally get my degree at the same time as she does... (I have to write 2 seminar papers, so I plan to write one during the spring semester this year and one next year, after I take the final course.) This degree really isn't going to give me anything, but it is really important to me to finish things I've started... Uh oh, which takes me back up to the first paragraph and all the things I want to do.

Hey, I managed to get through writing a blog post today. That's something.

Music. I love music…

I remember, when I was living in Shikunei HaElef  (Hebrew University dormitory) in Givat Ram (Jerusalem) back in 1986 just how quiet Shabbat was. I lived in the building of the observant girls. A total of 7 of the 20 rooms were occupied and I’d managed to get rid of my roommate by having her upgraded to the better dorms (the Kiryah – yes, I actually went and begged them to give her a room and she was very thankful), so I had a room to myself. I think there was one other girl who wasn’t Israeli-born, but she had a boyfriend who she went to visit on Shabbat and all the other girls went home. I was almost always left in the building completely alone. In fact, most of the buildings were empty over the weekend and the few people who stayed weren’t the ones I’d choose to talk to. I was also significantly younger, being just 17, when most students there were in their 20’s. So I spent Shabbat on my own. I read books, slept a lot and I sang, sometimes for hours. I could sing as loudly as I wanted, since there wasn’t anyone there to hear – and with it being so quiet, I found that singing made me feel less lonely (and hey, it seemed more normal than talking to myself). I don’t remember what songs I sang, but I know it always made me feel happy. In every house I ever lived, I knew where the best acoustics were and even before Hadas was born, I started singing to her. She knew all the words to Leader of the Band by the time she was 4 and we sang it together in a talent contest about then.

After I got divorced, I took voice lessons for a while. My teacher was convinced that I should sing opera. I told her I was willing to try, but she never actually brought me the music. I enjoyed the lessons, but I don’t think I’d ever sing in front of anyone but my family – and I don’t think they care how good my voice sounds, so I stopped taking lessons, but I kept singing to the kids, of course. They know all the songs I love… and if they hear a song on the radio, even Abigail will say, “Is that John Denver?” I often sing to the little kids before they go to sleep (usually they choose the songs – one of the ones Abigail loves is No Wonder – not exactly what you’d expect a 4-year-old to like).

These past few years have been crazy-busy. I just realized that I hadn’t bought a CD for about a year (the last one was a Barbra Streisand one that I didn’t have yet – I have quite a few)… and I realized I enjoy the few songs I know that Sarah McLachlan sings –(like  Blackbird & Ordinary Miracle) so I ordered a disk (of course it turned out to be out of stock).

I was thinking about how much I missed having time to listen to music (I mean, who can hear a whole song with 3-4-5-6 kids at home?)  and I remembered a tape that I had with this song – but this video is so much better :-)

Shabbat isn’t as quiet as it used to be. I think I kind of miss that sometimes.

Some things lose their meaning (at least temporarily)

As a child, Yom Kippur meant counting down the pages until the service would (finally) end. From the time I was 8, I was pretty serious about fasting – and that year, I made it through to the very end - only the service ended later than the fast and I ran out to the water fountain to get a drink (thinking I was about to die). I think that it was the same year that I was in a choir of 4 that participated in the service. (My dad was the Rabbi, so the auditioning process was fairly simple.) As a young adult, I was able to understand more of the prayer and connect with more of the ideas of the day, probably giving it some of the meaning I’d learned and some of my own. Yom Kippur began to be extremely powerful, giving me a true opportunity to look at who I had been up until then and being able to make a decision as to who I wanted to be from then on… I would sit in shul and daven, not necessarily paying attention to every word (I don’t know who can), but feeling the importance of the prayer and of repenting. When finally, the shofar was blown, I  burst into tears… As a mom, I want to pass these feelings on to my children. I want all the holidays to be meaningful for them.

My little kids don’t behave well in shul. It could be the fact that there are 3 of them. Or that the shul is way-too-crowded (it is). Or the fact that other kids are playing outside. Or that I just have wild kids (not really).  So even if I took them with me, it’s impossible to concentrate between handing out bamba and drinks, wiping noses, changing diapers, taking one of the girls to the bathroom and breaking up their fights… And, living in Israel, you can’t really hire a non-Jewish babysitter to care for your kids (I know some synagogues in the US have some sort of arrangement), so instead of spending the day in shul or at least in solemn thought, I spend it figuring out how long I can keep the kids busy building with Duplo, what stories will keep them calmest, and trying not to forget to feed them, since they don’t fast (in addition to listening to one of the older kids moan and groan about how impossible it is to fast and that s/he just can’t do it…). Instead of counting down the pages, I count down the hours and minutes until the fast is over, hoping I’ve gotten a little bit of thought in at some point during the day.

Today, as Yirmi sleeps, I’m trying to get into the mood of 9 b’Av. It’s hard. It’s not only hard because I spent half the morning feeding the little kids and the other half playing with them. It’s hard because when it’s finally quiet and I have a moment to think, so many other things keep jumping into my head… And I think that’s one of the hardest things for me about being a stay-at-home-and-work-from-home-mom to little kids. It’s difficult to find time for uninterrupted thought. I never realized how important that is.

I am looking forward to a time when I will be able to feel the holidays – and feel that they are meaningful to me again - and not just be busy finding a way to somehow survive them.